Osho, Orgasms & Other Enlightened Confusions


🧘‍♂️ Osho, Orgasms & Other Enlightened Confusions

A playful, irreverent take on the guru who made spiritual horniness fashionable.

Few gurus have spoken about sex as boldly and frequently as Osho — the man, the myth, the mustached master of moans and metaphysics.

He talked about sex like most people talk about weather — casually, daily, and often with wild contradictions. While other spiritual teachers were busy lighting incense, Osho was lighting desire and then telling you not to get attached to the flame.

Let’s lovingly roast some of his most famous — and famously confusing — takes on sexuality.

🛐 1. “Missionary is just a big animal doing push-ups on a delicate woman.”

With due respect, Baba...

Have you seen today’s women?
They lift dumbbells, pay EMIs, argue with landlords and still manage to look like Instagram filters.

Delicate? No.
Deadly? Absolutely.

And let’s talk about missionary for a second — when done right, it’s not “push-ups,” it’s push-notifications for the soul. Eye contact. Deep breathing. Whispering filth like it’s a Sanskrit mantra.
It’s not a position — it’s a mood.

💋 2. “Sex is the seed; love is the flower; compassion is the fragrance.”

This one actually slaps. But also sounds like something a man says after finishing in 2 minutes and pretending it was a spiritual journey.

Yes, sex can be divine. But not every hook-up is a TED Talk. Sometimes it’s just Netflix and regret.

😶 3. On Celibacy: “Celibacy is violence against your nature.”

Osho, this is beautiful — until you remember the same man also said:

“A man becomes spiritual the day sex disappears.”

So… which one is it?
Sex is sacred but also needs to disappear?
Should we meditate or masturbate?

It's giving: Baba, you need to log off.

🕺 4. No kissing allowed in his ashram, but group sex was fine?

Yes. According to Osho, “kissing creates attachment”, but partner-swapping in silk robes is totally chill.

Imagine being told to control your lips but release your Kundalini in front of strangers.

Baba’s bedroom logic was more twisted than a Tantric yoga pose.

🚗 5. “Don’t be obsessed with sex,” said the man with 93 Rolls-Royces.

Ah yes, minimalism.

This is like Jeff Bezos telling us not to chase money while launching a rocket made of gold.

If Osho had Instagram today, he’d be dropping reels like:
“Spiritual hacks that made me attract 93 luxury cars and 900 orgasms. Swipe up for a masterclass.”

🤯 6. “In orgasm, time disappears. Mind disappears.”

Honestly? This quote is a vibe.
But for most people, the only thing that disappears is interest when the rhythm’s off and the playlist shuffles to an ad.

Not all orgasms are ego-death.
Some are just poorly timed distractions between life’s more interesting moments — like pizza.

🔥 7. The Duality Dilemma

At his best, Osho encouraged us to:

  • Embrace our desires

  • Avoid repression

  • Move toward spiritual awakening through awareness

But at his wildest, he left us wondering:
Was this deep wisdom or post-nut philosophy?

Because let’s be honest — a lot of his quotes read like things people say after mind-blowing sex and one glass of red wine.

🎤 Final Thoughts

I am not mocking Osho.
I am vibing with the confusion he left behind.

He gave us permission to question shame, defy repression, and make love like it's a meditation — but he also gave us contradictions, chaos, and a lot of content for memes.

So yes, Osho, you made sexuality sacred.
But we’re still going to defend missionary, laugh at your no-kissing rule, and maybe kiss someone right after reading this post.

Because if sex is energy, laughter is the afterglow.

Namaste & Nonsense,
Thanks for coming to my satsang.


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