The Ethics of Sleeping With 4 People and Still Saying You’re Lonely

It starts with an Instagram story:

A cup of chai, sunlight streaming through the window, and the caption — “Feeling empty today. Craving connection 💔🌫️”

Meanwhile, you've got:

  • One situationship in Bangalore who sends voice notes at 2 a.m.

  • A sneaky link in Pune with excellent abs and zero emotional range.

  • A queer cuddle buddy in Delhi who reads you Audre Lorde after sex.

  • And an ex you “accidentally” keep hooking up with during retrogrades.

But sure, you’re “lonely.”

Modern Loneliness: Now With Multiple People and No One to Text First

We live in the era of abundance without intimacy.
You’ve got four people in your bed on rotation, two dating apps still buzzing, and yet you’re scrolling Twitter at 1 a.m. hoping a stranger’s sad meme will understand you.

You say you want "deep connection."
But you flinch when someone asks, “Where do you see this going?”

You're not heartbroken. You're just emotionally gluten intolerant.

Queer, Poly, and Perpetually Unfulfilled? Or Just Avoidantly Attached?

Let’s get one thing straight (ironically): Queer people did not invent emotional confusion — but we have industrialized it.

Somewhere along the line, “chosen family” became an excuse to ghost your one actual emotionally available date because your “energy wasn’t aligned.”

The problem isn’t the polyamory. It’s the passive aggression, the poor communication, and the fact that everyone’s using astrology as accountability insurance.

You're not unloved — you're just dating three emotionally unavailable people and calling it “exploration.”

 Vulnerability Is Not Foreplay, Babe

Just because you said “I’m scared of intimacy” before sex doesn’t make you deep.
It makes you aware — and still irresponsible.

Modern romance has become a TED Talk loop:

  • “I have intimacy issues.”

  • “My therapist says I dissociate during sex.”

  • “I’m still healing from my ex, but I want to see where this goes.”

Translation: I want your body, not your expectations.

The 4-Person Juggle: Freedom or Fragmentation?

On paper, you’re living the dream.
Emotionally, you’re stuck in a group project where no one reads the brief and everyone flakes on deadlines.

You're exhausted, overstimulated, and somehow still feeling unseen. Why?
Because when intimacy becomes multitasking, nobody gets your whole self.
You’ve outsourced companionship to a rotation of people who each get 20%, and wonder why you’re still craving 100%.

Spoiler: It’s not the people. It’s the pattern.

You Want to Be Held — But Can’t Sit Still

Loneliness isn't always lack of people. Sometimes, it’s the byproduct of never staying long enough to be known.
You say you're looking for a soul connection, but the minute it starts feeling real, you're back on Hinge with a witty one-liner about being “ethically non-monogamous and emotionally curious.”

Your emotional GPS is set to: Anywhere But Intimacy.

The Final Word: Healing Is Not a Vibe, It’s a Choice

You're not bad for wanting freedom. Or sex. Or multiple lovers.
But if you’re still saying “nobody gets me” while actively avoiding being gotten, maybe it’s time to stop blaming capitalism, attachment theory, or Saturn retrograde — and ask:

Is your loneliness a condition?
Or a consequence?

Because four bodies won't fill one heart if it’s constantly dodging itself.

Aniket Kumthekar

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